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Who Wrote my Definition?: Imogen, Obviously


I love this book. That's the entire review.

(Just kidding.) 

I found out about Albertalli after the hype surrounding Love, Simon. While at a local street fair, I wandered into a nearby bookstore and randomly found it. To my surprise, I loved it from the first page. Not simply because of Imogen's confident little sister, or the many animals that she has in her home. (Is there a way to magic up some of those cats into real life? No?) 

What pulled me in from the first page was Imogen herself, introduced with anxiety. Imogen was disproportionately nervous. More than that, she was anxious. Anxious about this social situation that she had procrastinated over for so long that it actually started to create a rift in her relationship with one of her best friends, Lili. This first introduction to Imogen's character caught me like a fish in a net, but without the existential crisis attached. Imogen is a sweet, aesthetically oriented people-pleaser with a large helping of social anxiety attached at the hip. She's constantly reevaluating herself and her actions towards people because of one friend (Gretchen), while being encouraged to push through and be herself by Lili. 

Gretchen, who is a queer Karen if there ever was one, proves to be a main antagonist of this novel alongside Imogen's own feelings. Each time that Imogen questions herself, Gretchen is quick to shut her down. The moment in which Imogen's flame begins to burn, Gretchen snuffs it out, determined that the glow is just a mistake. She says my queer experience is the standard, and I can tell that you're not queer, Imogen. Completely personifying the gaydar. Gretchen's discourse doesn't just make Imogen uncomfortable; it makes her question her own questioning. 

Is Imogen allowed to be queer? Will she be seen as faking her self-discovery crisis, and who will abandon her when they find out? Will Imogen face scrutiny for changing her label, or will her acceptance into the queer community remain the same? Gretchen's way of gatekeeping the queer community, complete with an invisible checklist in her mind, remains painfully prominent both in Imogen's mind and the reader's. 

Until I started this book, I hadn't ever heard of the act of qualifying to be marginalized. Even with Imogen being the main character, Gretchen stuck with me purely because of her gatekeeping behavior. So, it is possible to be queer and to be a jerk. That's a portrayal which I feel needs to be talked about more often, as disliking a person with a marginalized identity can easily be misinterpreted as disliking that identity as a whole. The moments in which Imogen stands up for herself, or her friends unknowingly stand up for her, is enough to give me faith in humanity again.

Being queer is colorful, wild, and complicated. There's a community out there, though, and they will wholeheartedly accept you if they know what's good for them. 

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