The Pen and Book Files

4/14/2020 What is an effect? It’s something we hope for, it’s a result, it’s a consequence. Our actions seem to have no effect in the world, but the truth is not so. As humans, we can be remarkably shortsighted. Sometimes, I just can’t imagine a simple action reverberating on anyone. Perhaps actions mean little when it’s just one person. But when one person multiplies into several hundred times that, we can see the effect of it. The effect is clear for everyone to see, and it can be devastating. Have you been to a supermarket recently? Perhaps not, because of the risk. So let me tell you what the effect of humanity has been, at least there. Emptiness. Oh, there are still some things. The shelves aren’t completely empty, but there is never quite enough now. The days that we are living in aren’t quite an apocalypse, but humans are fearful. Fear isn’t rational, and the effects are everywhere. How much toilet paper do we really use in a week? How much water, how many paper towels? T...

4/09/2020 Everywhere, there is darkness. No one says anything about light, because they cannot see it. The darkness is a film over our eyes, blocking out everything beside it. We blink, seeing the grid pattern of the film, but we cannot see through it. Why? Maybe because it's thrown in our faces. One after another, never letting up. We learn to deal with the darkness, simply because we can no longer remember the feeling of the light that exists beyond. The light that used to shine in our faces is nothing but a distant feeling. That's the funny thing about humans, though. Hope can never truly be buried. It can only be hidden. Even among the darkest places we've ever seen, where the smoke blocks out the sun, there is persistence. Perhaps we just merely need to learn how to rediscover it. Hope is the one treasure hidden among a thousand rocks in a pile of sand. Hopelessness will strike; I know that feeling well. 

April 07, 2020 Not all prisons are literal. Some are made by circumstance, and others are made by someone else rolling the dice. Still other prisons are made by the passing of countless hours, an infinite amount of sand grains piling up on top of one another. Apart, they mean nothing. Together, they can turn the world over. This particular prison is none of those. It's like a hurricane or tornado shelter; a space designed to keep us safe that has turned into a way to keep us locked away. Oh, this prison didn't start out like that; they never do. It's started as a way to keep its inhabitants safe, and isn't as bad as fear makes us believe. I didn't realize that before. There was a film over my eyes, preventing me from seeing too closely. Taking a closer look, I can find the simple joys in being locked away. Moments with family are all the more distinctive against a background of sadness and fear. It's cheesy, but still true. A pleasant spring walk is just wha...

April 6, 2020 What is a hiding space? Is it a space where we can be free? Is it a space under the stairs, barely large enough to accommodate our bodies and our thoughts? Everyone has a different idea of a hiding space. But, to me, a hiding space is a place to pretend. A place where I can block out everything and just be alone with myself in all of its fragmentary passages.

April 6, 2020      This problem started far away. Over seven thousand miles away, to be exact. The news fell on deaf ears, because our ears had to be deaf. China has never trusted us, so why would we trust news coming out of there? The problem was only theirs, until it wasn't.      After the problem was no longer just theirs, it still seemed far away. Sure, Italy had rising cases now, and so did France and Britain. But the numbers almost seemed to reflect off an invisible barrier, because they were still so far away from where we are. Most of the students in my classes were all over the news by this time, fanning the flames of worry and fear.  How long will this last, they asked. Will it affect us? Will the district close? The answer was no, at least at the time. Europe was a whole different world from here.      Soon enough, though, it wasn't. Cancellations of concerts and conventions began to run rampant, but I couldn't let the fea...